User blog:Azelfland/Asphalt stories: the Apollo N and VolksWagen W12 recruitment and the regular SLK build

yep. i got myself not one, not two, but three cars. i'm actually happy that i got the Apollo N and the VolksWagen W12, but i'm also happy that i got the regular SLK before i get the Special Edition one. also, this episode continues right where R8 tyke left off. and i'm also gonna drop a reference from South Park: The Stick of Truth. not gonna mention which one it will be, however. see if you can find it.

anyway, this is episode 3 of season 7 of "Asphalt stories". BE WARNED! this episode will have a bit of adult content at some point, so proceed with caution. here goes:

the Swiss Alps, 12:41 PM

My Apollo N: well, this is it. the final stretch.>:I

Feuerrm: it sure is.>:I

Me: well, this is somehow a deja vu for me.:I

Amy: why's that?:I

Me: because in the Alps, i won the Porsche 718 Boxster S and the McLaren MP4/8 in their respecitve championships. they also had the Alps as the final tour.:P

TheHawtDawg1: he's not wrong.:P

Jake: also, your winter outfit is really cute.:3

Amy: *giggles* why, thank you.:3

Shelby: either way, we're all cheering for you and Hanna. go get 'em!^_^

Me: we will. okay, Hanna. you're up.:)

at the Grand Finale

the announcer: this is it, folks! the final Grand Finale of the Apollo N championship! who's gonna win? who's gonna go home? let's find out!:D

Hanna: after all those hard qualifiers, it's finally time.>:)

Apollo N: we can win this even without the nitro starter. just make sure you don't mess up.>:I

Hanna: just so you know, i don't mess up THAT easily.>:)

at the final straight of lap 2

the announcer: looks like we know who will win this! AND LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE CHAMPIONSHIP IS OVER! WHAT A RACE!! ANOTHER CHAMPIONSHIP BITES THE DUST, DUE TO TEAM AZELFLAND'S SKILL! THAT'S DEJA VU RIGHT THERE! JUST LIKE THE 718 BOXSTER S AND THE MP4/8 CHAMPIONSHIPS!! that's it for this championship. the next one is gonna be another surprise. can'twait to find out which one it will be. see you in the next championship, folks!:D

Me: that was amazing! you did great out there!^_^

Hanna: thank you.^_^

Apollo N: you guys sure were awesome. as promised, i'll join you guys on your quest to take down Vivendi.:)

Audi R8 tyke: speaking of Vivendi, they're at it again.>:I

Loraine: what happened?:I

Audi R8 tyke: Vincent and Mike458 kidnapped Norman Choi and the boss of Gameloft!O_O

Dr. Healusion: wait, who's Norman Choi?:I

Audi R8 tyke: he's the boss of Apollo.:I

My Sbarro Sparta: SONS OF BITCHES! as if giving our new friend and his sister token-only upgrades wasn't enough, THIS HAPPENS?! oh, i'll make him wish he never forced Gameloft to put token-only upgrades on these two!>:(

Apollo N: i think i know where they are. follow me.>:I

Me: okay. Huayra BC and 675LT, you head back to Barcelona. i'll see you guys later.>:I

My Pagani Huayra BC: you got it.>:I

later, in Havana, Cuba

My Sbarro Alcador: looks like this is the place.>:I

Sonic: so, how do we break in?:I

Persephone: i got this.>:) *pulls out her rocket launcher and blows up the entrance*

Me: WHAT'S UP, BITCHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSS?!>:D

Amy: it's hammertime, suckers! you won't stand a chance against my Piko Piko hammer!>:D

Feuerrm: what the heck is that?:I

Chica: it's actually based on the toy of the same name.:)

Jake: well, that's a dumb name for a hammer.:P

Amy: i know. but it's for the kids.:P

a few minutes later

Vincent: WHAT?! YOU GOT THE APOLLO N?! I THOUGHT THE TOKEN-ONLY UPGRADE WOULD MAKE YOU FLINCH!>:(

Diana: whatever. you're, like, being totally lame by the second!>:P

the crowd (from the SIKE! that's the wrong number! video): OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!:D

Shadow Azelfland: we knew Mike was behind the rigging AND forcing Gameloft to put token-only upgrades on the Apollo N and his sister. such low tactics.>:)

Diana: with the Spada AND the free upgrade from the Apex cup from last week, we were able to upgrade him without using our tokens.>:)

Knuckles: we may have had some problems with the pro tuning, but it wasn't hard nonetheless. even if it was tight, we still beat you.>:)

Vincent: and we would've gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling kids!>:(

Amy: no point in talking to these idiots.>:P *blows raspberry*

Mike458: WHY YOU LITTLE.................... YOU'LL NEVER FIND THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE AND YOU'LL DIE AS A LONE OLD WOMAN!!>:(

Amy: *gasps and starts crying*

Jake: *gets steaming mad* NO ONE INSULTS MY GIRL AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!>:(

Mike458: oh, i already have.>:)

MICROAGRESSION! HIT HIM!>:D

Mike458: oh, god! not this again!O_O

Silver Azelfland: *bumps his fists and uses the Electric Fly* BRINGALLTHESAUUUUUUUUUCE!! *uses it again* GIMMEMYMONEYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! *and again* INEEDMYMONEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! *and again* JOHNYSTARTTHECAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!D:<

Jake: that's what you get for insulting my girl, you piece of s@#t!!>:(

the boss of Gameloft: that's new. since when can they do that?:I

Me: since the end of the Corvette Grand Sport EDD.:)

Norman Choi: cool.:O

Rouge: *grabs Vincent by the coat* you dare insult our friend?! you'll pay the price!>:(

Vincent: oh, come on! it's always the nut shot!O_O

Rouge: that's right!>:( *kicks Vincent right in the nuts*

Vincent: AUGH! oh, my English tea bags.X_X

Nick: that's my girl!>:)

Cynthia: serves you right, jerks!>:(

Audi R8 tyke: let's untie them now.>:I *helps Azelfland untie Norman Choi and the boss of Gameloft*

the boss of Gameloft: thanks. we owe you one, guys.^_^

Norman Choi: had it not been for you, we would be toast by now.^_^

Dr. Healusion: yeah.:)

Norman Choi: you must be Azelfland, right?:)

Me: the one and only.^_^

Norman Choi: the name's Norman Choi. it's an honor to meet the world-famous team Azelfland.:)

the boss of Gameloft: now, where was i? oh, right. you wouldn't mind with the token-only upgrades on your cars, right?:I

Norman Choi: dude, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?! WHY WOULD YOU PUT TOKEN-ONLY UPGRADES ON MY TWO CREATIONS?!>:(

the boss of Gameloft: it wasn't us! Vivendi forced us to do so!O_O

Norman Choi: oh. well, if that's the case, then you're not the one to blame.:)

Hanna: seriously. people ALWAYS blame Gameloft for everything AND for no reason whatsoever, when Vivendi are the real bad guys in every single situation.>:(

Norman Choi: that aside, i heard you completed the Apollo N championship.:)

Hanna: it's all true, mister Choi.:)

Norman Choi: i must say, even if that Mike458 guy rigged the qualifiers, you guys sure are the real deal. take good care of the Apollo N, my friends.^_^

back at Azelfland's garage

My BMW M2 Special Edition: well, you became our newest member, huh?^_^

Apollo N: yep.:)

My Lamborghini Sesto Elemento: i'm glad we have another friend by our side.^_^

My Porsche 911 GT3 RS: i agree, sweetie.:3

My GT by Citroen: has anyone seen Amy?:I

My Devel Sixteen Prototype: she's in her room.:I

in Amy's room

Jake: *knocks on the door*

Amy: go away, Jake! i don't want to talk to you anymore!;_;

Jake: i just want to talk to you. that's all.:I

Amy: why? so you can say the same thing Mike said to me? what if he's right? what if i never find the love of my life and die alone as an old lady?;_; *cries*

Jake: don't listen to what Mike says. he's just trying to make you feel bad. you're a great girl.:3

Amy: r-really?:'(

Jake: yeah. don't let his words get to you. i understand how it feels to be insulted, when they say things that you don't like to hear.:3

Amy: awwwwwwww.:'3

Jake: and i will always be by your side, no matter what.:3

Amy: awwwwwwwwww.:'3

Jake: do you want a hug?:3

Amy: sure. anything to make me feel better.:'3

Jake: *hugs Amy and pets her quills* shhhhhhhhhh. everything's gonna be okay. don't cry. i'm here for you.:3

Amy: *stops crying* thank you so much, Jake. you really know how to treat a girl.:3

Jake: anytime. do you want to go on a date with me?:3

Amy: sure thing. oh, and i might need you to stay longer.:3

Jake: sure. need a hug?:3

Amy: why not?:3

Jake: *gives Amy another hug*

later that night (6:00 PM)

Wendy: so, i hear Jake consulted you.:)

Amy: yeah. and after that, we're now gonna go on our real first date.^_^

Shelby: doesn't hanging out at the funfair in Azure Coast count as a date?:I

Amy: nah. we were hanging out as friends. but now we're a happy couple.:3

Wendy: you guys are really cute together. i hope you get married and have kids in the future.:3

Amy: thank you. you too.:3

Wendy: awwwww.:3

Emily: since when did you two become friends? last i remembered, you wanted to kill each other.:I

Amy: well, Sonic matured and so did i.:)

later that night (7:00 PM)

Jake: *sees Amy in her red dress and red high heels* wow. you're........... you're really beautiful.:3

Amy: *giggles* why, thank you.:3

Jake: what do you say we go for a walk?:3

Amy: sure.:3

Jake: after you, my cute princess.:3 *kisses her hand*

Amy: *giggles* my sweet knight. you're such a gentleman.:3 *they both hold hands*

a few minutes later

Amy: so, tell me a bit about yourself.:3

Jake: well, i'm a bit shy when i talk to girls, but i'm also brave, a bit cocky, caring and clever. i'm a big bookworm, which means that i like reading books, and i'm into ice skating and boxing. only thing i dislike is people being mean to me. what about you?:3

Amy: well, i'm a bit of an annoying girl, but also smart. i'm also into the same things you do, except for the bookworm part. though, i can't seem to have dislikes myself.:3

Jake: we have so much in common.:3

Amy: well, sort of. but, um............... *blushes* i think you're really cute.:3

Jake: thanks. you too.:3

Amy: awwwwwwwww.:3 *they look at each other lovingly*

later (9:00 PM)

Jake: it's actually really cool how Azelfland has his own ice skating rink on his garage.^_^

Amy: it is. so, let's go ice skating.:3

Jake: sure. though, i never ice skated in my life, even though i like it.:I

Amy: trust me. it's going to be fun.:3

Jake: whoa!O_O *tries to balance his weight*

Amy: you just have to glide slow and easy. no sudden movem- WATCH OUT!O_O

Jake: WHOA!O_O *crashes on Amy and they both crash to the wall*

Amy: ow.X_X

Jake: oh my god, i'm so sorry! it's my first time ice skating, you know.:(

Amy: it's okay. i'll be fine. here. hold my hand and follow my lead.:3

later, in Amy's room (11:00 PM)

Jake: that was so much fun.^_^

Amy: it really was.:3

Jake: and i want to tell you, that you're the most beautiful girl i've ever met in the world.:3

Amy: awwwwwww, thank you so much, Jake * sighs lovingly* i love you, Jake.:3

Jake: i love you too, Amy.:3 *they both make out*

Amy: *as they both stop making out* well, tommorow is another day. good night, jake.:3

Jake: good night, Amy.:3

later that night (1:16 AM)

Alice: all right. time to build the regular SLK, since those Blueprint boxes the Apollo N's mastery challenge 10 were worth it.:)

meanwhile, in Amy's room

Underpants gnomes (singing): time to go to work! work all night! search for underpants, hey! we won't stop until we have underpants! yum tum yummy tum tayyyyy!

Jake: hm?:I

Amy: what's going on?:I

Underpants gnome 1: OH, S@#T! THEY'RE ARE AWAKE!O_O

Underpants gnome 2: what?:I

Underpants gnome 1: THESE KIDS ARE AWAKE! WHAT THE F@#K DO WE DO?!O_O

Underpants gnome 2: oh, f@#k!O_O

Underpants gnome 3: i guess we gotta kill them!>:I

Underpants gnome 4: all right. f@#k it. let's kill 'em.>:I

Amy: seriously. what are you gonna do? you're too small to beat us.:P

Jake: *uses his flamethrower breath to roast the gnomes*

Underpants gnome 1: S@#T, THEY'RE TOO BIG! WE CAN'T BEAT THEM!O_O

Underpants gnome 2: well, if you can't beat 'em, shrink 'em. go ahead, warlock!>:I

Underpants gnome warlock: *uses the Gnome dust to shrink Jake and Amy to Chibi size*

Amy: uh-oh.O_O

Jake: you're cute in Chibi size.:3

Amy: thanks. you too.:3

Both: *beat up the gnomes*

Underpants gnome 4: holy s@#t! RUN!O_O *all the gnomes run away*

Jake: come on, Amy! we have to catch them, so we can get back to normal size.>:I

later, in the vents, in Loraine's room

Loraine: sometimes, i feel like Azelfland just wants to protect us all.:I

Silver Azelfland: why? i don't really understand.:I

Loraine: but if he really wants to take down the Zenvo ST1 GT EDD, then............ i feel like we might need to help him.:I

Silver Azelfland: he can do it by himself. sure, we can help, but he doesn't want anyone harmed.:I

Loraine: i'm so frazzled right now. will you............. make love with me?:I

Sliver Azelfland: sure.:3 *they both make out*

later

Jake: i got a bad feeling about this.:I

Amy: why's that?:I

Jake: because i can hear Loraine and Silver Azelfland doing "it". let's just get in already.:I

Me: *pauses the action and breaks the fourth wall* WARNING! this scene has adult content and it's not recommended for younger audiences! viewer discretion is advised!O_O *resumes the action*

Both: *walk in on Loraine and Silver Azelfland making love with each other*

Loraine: OH, YES! SMASH ME! SMASH ME HARDER! PUNISH ME HARDER!:D

Amy: WHAT IN GOD'S GREEN EARTH IS GOING ON?!O_O *passes out*

Jake: *checks on Amy* her heart is okay.:I

the narrator from Spongebob: twelve seconds later.

Amy: *wakes up* i think i got o- OH, GOD! NOW THEY SWITCHED POSISTIONS!O_O *passes out again*

Jake: here we go again.-_-

the narattor from Spongebob: a few moments later.

Amy: *wakes up* i'm okay. what did i-

Jake: OH MY GOD, LORAINE IS LITERALLY SUCKING HIS DICK! WHAT THE HECK?!O_O *passes out*

Amy: sheesh.:I

Me (making my Spongebob narrator impression): one minute and thirty seconds later.-_-

Jake: *wakes up* ugh. i can't believe this is happening right now.O_O

Amy: come on, we got some gnomes to chase>:I

Underpants gnome 1: oh, s@#t, the kids are still following us!>:(

Underpants gnome 3: they're not gonna stop until they find a way to become normal size again. that means they're coming after you, warlock.O_O

Underpants gnome warlock: WHAT?! AH, F@#K!O_O

Amy: i'm really gonna feel uncomfortable with this.:I

Loraine (on the censored background): COME ON, SMASH ME! SMASH ME, I SAID! IS THAT ALL YOU GOT, BITCH?!>:D

Sliver Azelfland (on the censored background): yeah! call me bitch!:D

Loraine (on the censored background): I JUST DID, YOU DIRTY LITTLE BITCH!>:D

Jake: watch this, Amy.>:) *beats up the gnomes with his Capoeira skills*

Amy: wow. i didn't know you knew Capoeira.^_^

Jake: yeah, i learned it a long time ago. now let's go after the warlock.>:I *they get to the floor*

Underpants gnome warlock: I'M NOT CHANGING YOU BACK! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO TO ME!>:(

Amy: oh, YOU WILL change us back!>:(

all three go under Loraine and Silver Azelfland

Underpants gnome warlock: you couldn't just let it go, could you? you couldn't let us take your underpants. NOOOOOOO! you had to go and start asking questions!>:(

Amy and Jake (thinking): what's he talking about?:I

Underpants gnome warlock: well, now you shall see the true power of an underpants gnome!>:(

Jake: let's get this over with.-_-

a battle between the warlock and the team of Amy and Jake happens, when all of a sudden........

Underpants gnome warlock: HOLY S@#T, IT'S COMING RIGHT FOR US!O_O *gets out of the way*

Amy: what's coming right for us?:I

Jake: IT'S THE NUTSACK! RUN!O_O *teleports out of the way*

Amy: *dodges the nutsack with a somersault*

Jake: okay. back to the battle.>:I

Jake and Amy win the battle

Underpants gnome warlock: all right, all right! you win! take this! *gives Jake and Amy the gnome dust* take it! you can grow small or big whenever you feel like it!O_O

Amy: now tell us why you were stealing our underpants!>:(

Underpants gnome warlock: all we wanted was to collect underpants to prevent Vivendi from trying to invade our underground world. you see, their plan is to- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!O_O *gets flattened by one of Loraine's censored breasts*

Jake and Amy: *dodge the nutsack*

the next day

Alice: oh, man............X_X

Amy: you're not the only one.X_X

Shelby: what's going on?:I

Alice: i built the regular SLK and now i'm all sleepy.X_X *yawns*

Jake: Amy and i were shrunk by gnomes, we took them down and went back to normal size. that's what happened to us. also, the gnoe warlock was flattened by one of Loraine's breasts.X_X

My VolksWagen W12: it wasn't THAT bad.:I

Shelby: let me help you.:) *uses her Heal Pulse to heal Alice, Jake and Amy*

Jake: hey. i feel better now. thanks, Shelby.^_^

Shelby: anytime.^_^

Alice: also, how did you get the W12?:I

Jake: as we were shrunk, we saw him, also shrunk. so, we used the 475.000 credits we farmed to get him out of his cage, drove him to the garage and then used the gnome dust to change me, Amy and the W12 back to normal size. neat, isn't it?:)

My Mercedes-Benz SLK 55 AMG: sheesh. must've been tough. for you guys.:I

Alice: yeah.:I

Loraine: hey guys.:)

Amy: you guys! next time you make love, tell us from the start, so we won't get scarred!O_O

Silver Azelfland: WHAT?! YOU SAW THE WHOLE THING?!O_O

Jake: sort of. we were trying to get back to normal size, because the underpants gnomes shrunk us. their warlock was flattened by one of Loraine's breasts. geez. just............ never shock us like that EVER again!O_O

Loraine: oh. well, i forgive you.:)

Jake: also, i saw you sucking his dick! LITERALLY! AND THAT MADE ME FALL UNCONSCIOUS!O_O

Silver Azelfland: i may have been in my batfox form, but at least i was wearing a condom.:P

Jake: oh.:I

Amy: let's just pretend none of this ever happened. ._.

Jake: agreed. ._.

and that ends episode 3 of season 7 of "Asphalt stories". this is actually a little too shocking for me to handle. still, i hope the Zenvo ST1 GT EDD will go well.

until next time.

-Azelfland.