Talk:Chevrolet Impala/@comment-99.43.36.127-20161229184506

alright Mike458, i am a cat person so here is my tak on your super-world destroying animal. For the uration of this post i will use t to stand for tokens, because they will come up a lot.

Next update: The Feline update:

The best car will be a cat. It will have its own class, called the F class for Feline. The F callss can compete in any class and will be aviavable in any event in TLE. It will also be aviavble to race in any career race, quick race,in mp, and Rnd, and EDD, and Championship and any other event that GL comes up with ever. It will havre a starting rank of 0 so when you first get it you will not be able to race it at all. It will have a starting price of 10000000000000000000 t.

Maxing: Each upgarde will cost 999999999999999999999 t. each upgrade will increae the rank by......0. You will need to max and pro the cat to unlock the satisfaction and grooming categories, which is where all the rank increases come from. I will cover these later (GeekNinja satisfatcion is your idea it is such a good idea that i am using a version of it I jiust wanted everybody to know this and that I'm not stealing from another person.)

Proing: The Feline will take the special Feline Heart card, which acts like an engine card. The Feline Heart will have a new rarity class called insane, and the card will be colored bright green. The Feline Heart will be only avialable in the Feline power-up box, which will only be avialable for ten minutes after you get 1 maxing upgrade. The Feline power-up box will cost 999999999999999999999999999999999 t, and will have a 20% chance of getting 1 Feline Heart card, and a 75% chance of nothing, and a 5% chance of taking all of your tokens in your token stock. there will also be some TLE with random cars where it is possible to get Feline Power-up boxes, but they will be 1 in quantity and be for the top 5 only. Each pro upgrade will take 10 Feline heart cards, and each upgrade will cost 99999999999999999999999999999 t, and proing will increase the total rank by..........0. However, once you have done this and maxed out the cat, you will unlock the satisfaction and grooming categories. These are where all the Rank increases come from.

Satisfaction: cats are fickle animals, and after you have max/proed the cat the cat will not race unless it has been properly fed and groomed. To acheive satisfatcion, you must buy special High-Quality Feline Food, wihich will always be on sale after you have max/proed the cat. They will be 1000000000000000000000000000050000000000000000 t each. Like the Feline Power-up box, they will be avialble to win in TLEs with random cars, and will also be 1 in quanitity and for the top 5. To satisfy the cat, it will take a random amount of High-Quality Feline Food, with a chance of having to apply 5-2000 of the food!!!!!! Satisfaction wears off after one race, so after every race you will have to satisfy thr car again! The only good news is that the foos will be on sale for ever However, if you have max/pro/satisfied/groomed, you will achevie the Feline Aura, which is super op and I will cover later.

Grooming: grooming works like satisfing, and is built off the same progarmming and are eeriely similair. You must by High-Quality Feline Brush, which will cost the same as High-Quality Feline Food. High-Quality Feline Brushes will also winnable in random TLEs, for the top 5 and they will be 1 in qauntity. Like satisfaction, you will need to apply a random number between 5-2000 brushes to groom the cat. Like satisfaction, Groomed wears off after 1 race and brushes will be on sale for ever.

Feline Aura: Having Maxed/Proed/Satisfied/Groomed will increase the rank of the cat to 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You will achevie the Feline Aura which will do many things that. First, it will flawlessly drive the cat for you. Second, after you finish the race it will give your earnings a 300000000000000000x multiplier for credits, and give you 1000000 tokens for finsihes a race. Third, it will make the cat invincible and if it touches any car it will be an automatic knockdown for the car the cat touched. Fourth, it will give the cat a top speed multiplier of 1000000000000000000000% and all other cars will have a top speed multiplier of 0.0000000000000000000000000001%, so they will never leave the starting line!! Fifth, the cat will have infinite nitro. Sixth, the cat will be unwreckable. So it is pretty much unbeatable. The aura will be in any race mode, and will be in CPU races, events, Rnds, EDDs, Championships, and in mp.

Feline Fickleness Meter: Before you race, you will have to spin the Feline Fickleness Meter, which determines whetehr you will race or not. Unmodified, the meter has a 50% cahnce of the cat rcaing, and a 50% chance of the cat refsuing to race and having the satisfaction and grooming wear off like they finished a race. You can buy fickle meter nbootsers like succesively better bowls, litter boxes, and other things that will cost anywhere from 1000 t to 1000000000000000000000000 t! When you have all the modifiers, the fickleness meter will disappear b/c will you have a 100% chance you will race, but a 0% chance the cat won't race. This is all of the cat-related purchases.

What happens if you don't get the cat and all of its upgrades within ten days of getting the Feline update: If you don't max, pro, get all of the fickleness meter modifiers, and get satisfaction and grooming once WITHIN 10 DAYS OF DOWNLOADING THE FELINE UPDATE, GL WILL SUCCESIVELY RUIN YOUR LIFE. This is what will happen in order.

1. GL will drain the credit card or debit crtd or whatever money source that you have hooked up to your Google Play account.

2. They will delete your Aspahlt 8 account by hacking in to your device and wiping your device's memory of Asphalt 8.

3. They will fake one of these 3 kinds of viral videos and post it on Youtube and ruin your life. The video will be of you during one of these 3 things:

- You giving a long public speech in front of a crowd of 10,000+ people, but every time you pause you pass gas really load and everyone can hear it.

- You trying to sing your home country's national anthem, but you are really drunk and/or on some type of drug or drugs so you are horribly off pitch and it sounds super dumb.

- You pissing your pants so bad in a mall or public place with lots of people that you'r standing in a puddle of your own pee and a cop or public authority comes to call you on it and you tyr to deny it even though you have a piss stain on the front your pants so massive it spans to the back of your pants. You try to walk away from the cop or publci official but you end up slipping in your own puddle of piss that you were standing in.

Your life will be ruined socially.

4. They will snjed in robots to kill you.

5. They will direct your funeral and write or rewrite your will so that all of your belongings and money go to GL.

6. They will sell all of your belongings for money, except for family heirlooms, whcih they will destroy to spite your family.

That is the Feline update. This took me an hour and 30 minutes to write. None of this is serious and I hope you thought this was at least a tiny bit funny. Once again, credit to GeekNinja for his satisfaction idea. Also sorry in advance for all of the mispellings, but they dont take away from the meaning too much.