User blog:Azelfland/Asphalt stories: Lab 2 of the Rimac Concept S R&D, the Old School Tag Race shenanigans and the McLaren F1 XP-5 build

this title couldn't explain better. now, here's how. while going through lab 2 of the Concept S R&D, i decided to go for the Old School Tag Race in the Tag Racing season of career mode, but it was so hard to get that time limit, that i had to spend 2 of my 6 V8s on my Cobra (now at 5555 3131), many C class parts, early and initial techs, 2 mid-techs and one of my 14 F6s on my BMW M1 (now at 5555 5444, as of the Sprint Cup) and 4 A class parts, 2 early and 2 initial techs on my 330 P4 (now at 5555 2222). i know it sounds stupid and that i should've kept my V8s for the new cars, but i couldn't do otherwise. that race was the bane of my existence, because of the 1:35:000 time limit and not being able to make it, and i finally did it. also, i was able to get the eighth blueprint for the McLaren F1 XP-5 the same day i completed lab 2 of the Concept S R&D.

longest explanation i've ever done. that's a new record.

this is episode 5 of season 8 of "Asphalt stories". the beginning of the episode is a reference to Crash Bandicoot 3. here goes:

the depths of hell

Azelfland.exe: none have dared fail the great Azelfland.exe even once. but you, Adrian! YOU HAVE FAILED ME FOUR TIMES!!>:(

Adrian Heat: great Azelfland.exe! it was that infernal Azelf!O_O

Azelfland.exe: from my throne in the depths of hell, i sent you simple instructions to follow. BUT YOU LOST THE BLUEPRINTS!! YOU LOST THE F1 CARS!! AND I HAVE LOST MY PATIENCE!! THERE IS NOW NO OTHER F1 CAR LEFT TO GET ON THIS PLANET!>:(

Adiran Heat: i know we had a few... unfortunate...................... setbacks.:I

Azelfland.exe: AND FAILED!!! but since you managed to take down Azelfland the first time the MP4-31 was around, i am feeling..................... generous.^_^

Adrian Heat: hm?:I

Azelfland.exe: there is a way to find an F1-based car to take down Azelfland. and this time............ THIS TIME, THE GREAT AZELFLAND.EXE WILL MAKE SURE YOU'LL DO IT RIGHT!>:(

AHGT.exe: *appears from the portal* ................................................>:)

meanwhile, in Corporate lab 2

lab technician: so, you're the guy that lab1 told us about.:)

Me: yep.:)

Rimac Concept S: i have a feeling that this lab will be harder than the previous one.:I

My Audi R8 E-Tron Special Edition: luckily, test 8 has a free upgrade. which means we can upgrade your top speed without having to worry about spending our tokens.^_^

after test 8

Rimac Concept S: nice! i'm much faster now.^_^

My BMW M1: hey, guys.:)

Alice: M1?! COBRA?! 330 P4?! YOU'RE HERE TOO?!O_O

My Ferrari 330 P4: yep. but for one reason. we need to take down the Old School tag race.>:I

My 1965 Shelby Cobra: but we can sssssssssssssee that you guysssssssssss are busssssssssssy.:P

BMW M1: i hear there will be a sprint cup of my own. i'm gonna need the best tuning for it.>:I

Cynthia: and it's tommorow? it's no problem.^_^

Knuckles; don't you think that we s- *gets squished by an anvil*

Everyone: .......................................... ._.

Knuckles (muffled): oh no!X_X (Knuckles got owned counter: 8)

Cynthia: he was gonna suggest pro tuning the M1, you idiot!>:(

Me: sorry. i thought Knux was going to say something stupid. so, i dropped an anvil with my psychic powers.:P

Master Chief John-117: i got a bad feeling about this.

McLaren P1 boy: so do i.>:I

Hanna: but where did you get the anvil in the first place?:I

Me: i dunno.:P

the next day, after test 15

Rimac Concept S: okay. now i'm ready. my top speed is maxed out now.>:)

Alice: whoa there, tiger. we need to wait for the Proto keys first.:P

Rimac Concept S: fair enough.:P

Ferrari 330 P4: hey, guys. wanna see some cool porn i got?^_^

Me: oh, god. please don't tell me you guys are into this kind of stuff, like R8 tyke's JDM cars are!>:(

BMW M1: well, now you know. all of us old-school cars are into it................... well except for the Porsche 959. but when it comes to racing. we're serious about it.:P

Flora: i'm not sure about this.:I

BMW M1: it's fun. you'll see.:)

Me: *pauses the action and breaks the fourth wall* WARNING! this scene will contain a small amount of NSFW content from this point. viewer discretion is adviced!O_O *resumes the action*

Audi R8 tyke: i swear to god, if this BMW recorded me and Zoe making love with each other............>:(

1965 Shelby Cobra: you guesssssssssssssssssssssed it.^_^

Audi R8 tyke: oh, goddamn it!>:(

in the clip

Zoe: OH, YES! SMASH ME! SMASH ME HARDER! PUNISH ME HARDER!:D

Me: *pauses the clip* GODDAMN IT, M1!! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO RECORD OTHERS MAKING LOVE WITH EACH OTHER?!>:(

BMW M1: it wasn't me!! it was the 330 P4's idea!O_O

Me: UGH! you never learn, do you?>:(

TheHawtDawg1: well, anyway, we should focus on upgrading the SR1 n-

Adrian Heat: i don't think that's gonna happen.>:I

Everyone: HUH?O_O

Tails: YOU AGAIN?! I THOUGHT WE GOT RID OF YOU!!>:(

Adrian Heat: well, guess what! i'm back from the dead! literally!>:)

Sonic: wait a minute! AZELFLAND.EXE HAS THE POWER TO RESSURECT ANYONE?!O_O

Adrian Heat: actually, he gave me a second chance. he doesn't ressurect anyone.:P

Sonic: oh.:I

Adrian Heat: and i'm here to take you down! your old-school cars will be no match for the 1-minute-and-35-second time limit on their tag race.>:)

BMW M1: bring it on! we won't lose to you!>:(

1965 Shelby Cobra: we'll kick your assssssssssssssss ssssssssssssso hard, you'll cry back to your parentsssss. oh, wait. your parentssssss and your grandparentssssssssssss and your great-grandparentsssssssss are all dead. sssssssso deal with it.>:)

the crowd (from the SIKE! that's the wrong number! video): OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!:D

Ferrari 330 P4: nice one, Cobra.^_^

after many attempts on the Old-School Tag Race

Adrian Heat: you may have beaten this time limit after your many struggles, but you haven't seen the last of me, fools!>:( *runs away*

Diana: he's getting away!>:I

Hanna: let him go. we'll punish him later.>:I

BMW M1: so glad we did it.:)

My Peugeot SR1: yeah. but at what cost?:(

Ferrari 330 P4: we still have 4 V8s, 13 F6s and a lot of A class parts left........... well, except for the fact that we have 6 A class drivetrains, but still.:P

Silver Azelfland: well, now that that's out of the way, it's time for the drifting test.:)

the next day

Me: GUYS, CHECK THIS OUT!O_O

TheHawtDawg1: what is it?:I

Me: THE EIGHTH BLUEPRINT FOR THE F1 XP-5!!! AND WE HAVE 12 UNOPENED BOXES WITH THE SAME BLUEPRINTS!! HUAYRA BC, GET TO WORK BEFORE THE DOUBLE CREDITS RUNS OUT!!!O_O

My Pagani Huayra BC: you got it, bud.>:I

after getting the eighth blueprint for the McLaren F1 XP-5 (and opening the 12 unopened boxes with F1 XP-5 blueprints in them)

Feuerrm: congrats, man.^_^

My McLaren MP4/8: cool! my sister is now joining us. can't wait to tell my cousins.^_^

Peugeot SR1: your cousins?:I

McLaren MP4/8: you see, i'm a Formula 1 car that runs with a Ford engine, back when Ford were the engine providers all the way back in 1993. which makes us McLaren cars cousins with the Ford cars. in 2004, the SLR McLaren was a collaboration between McLaren and Mercedes-Benz and the MP4-25 runs with a Mercedes-Benz Engine, back when Mercedes-Benz were the engine providers back in 2012. which makes the Mercedes-Benz cars cousins, as well. as for the MP4-31, she runs with a Honda engine back when Honda were and still are the engine providers in 2016 until today and that makes the Honda cars cousins as well. now, the McLaren Formula 1 team is trying to strike a deal with Renault to be their engine providers, so they can be more competitive.:P

Peugeot SR1: oh.:I

McLaren P1 boy: wow. i didn't know your MP4/8 was THIS knowledgeable on racing and car history facts.^_^

Me: well, now you know.:)

after test 17

lab technician: and now it's time to face Johny Seventies, our best spokesperson AI................. well, that was, until he refused to advertise hairspray and shoulder pads.:I

Me: why?:I

lab technician: we don't know exactly.:I

on test 18

Johny Seventies: so, you're the guy that kicked Sixties Slim's behind into the next dimension.:I

Me: yep.:)

Johny Seventies: you did well back on that race. i didn't like that guy. not even a bit.T_T

Me: me neither. he thinks humanity's future is not good.>:I

Johny Seventies: i'd say that you're going to be humanity's future and you'll make it better. best of luck.:)

Me: you seem like a nice guy. too bad i have to crush you.:I

Johny Seventies: yeah. i know.:I

after test 18

Me: HELL YEAH!>:D

Johny Seventies: guess i was right. you do have a bright future. well, i guess this is farewell. best of luck with Hunter Eighties, young one.:) *the AI gets deleted*

My Lamborghini Sesto Elemento: well, all that practice on my mastery challenge 15 totally paid off.^_^

Wanda: and that AI said something about some Hunter Eighties guy.:I

Audi R8 tyke: that son of a bitch! HE WAS THE REASON I LOST THE CONCEPT S!>:(

Me: guess i got a bone to pick with him. but for now, we got an F1 XP-5 to get.>:I

Chica: we're going in.>:I

Shadow: i'll come too.>:I

Master Chief John-117: i'll accompany them. *takes his Storm Rifle*

McLaren P1 boy: and it looks like the parts are in Tokyo. you know the tower we blew up back on the Vencer Sarthe championship? well, they rebuilt it.>:I

Tokyo, Japan

Master Chief John-117: look at them. totally off guard.

Shadow: i got a plan. but we need to execute it perfectly.>:I

Vivendi goon: *sees Chica's breasts* wow. booooooooooooooobiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeesss.:D *grabs Chica's breasts*

Master Chief John-117: so, what's your plan?

Shadow: it's simple. i'll use Chaos Control to stop time and sneak in. we just need to be quick.>:I

Chica: um, sir, would you mind getting your hands off my breasts, please?:I

Master Chief John-117: hm. not bad. for the rest of the guards, i got my Storm Rifle with me. they won't see me coming.

Shadow: you got it.>:)

Chica: HELLO?! ARE YOU LISTENING?! EARTH TO PERV!!>:(

Vivendi goon: *backs off* oh, dear!O_O

Chica: I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE WITH THE ENEMY OR NOT! YOU DON'T GRAB WITHOUT PERMISSION!>:(

Shadow: if Chica doesn't like you, then i don't like you either!>:(

Master Chief John-117: *shoots the Vivendi goon with his Storm Rifle* let's go.

on the top of the tower

Adrian Heat: well, if it isn't the losers that ruined my life!>:(

Chica: we came for one reason. you got the parts for the McLaren F1 XP-5. give them to us or you'll die!>:(

Adrian Heat: OVER MY DEAD BODY, BITCH!>:(

Chica: who are you calling a bitch?! do i look like your momma?!>:(

the crowd (from the SIKE! that's the wrong number! video): OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!:D

Shadow: you better have a burn heal.>:)

Adrian Heat: no matter. i'll kick your asses. WITH MY BARE HANDS!!>:(

Shadow: CHAOS CONTROL! *stops time* okay, Chica. your turn.>:I

Chica: you got it. *proceeds to punch Adrian Heat super fast* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA WAAAAAAAAAAAATAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!D:<

Master Chief John-117: what exactly did you do to him?

Chica: you'll see.>:)

Shadow: CHAOS CONTROL!>:I *turns time back to normal*

Adrian Heat: you think THIS will stop me?>:)

Chica: yep>:)

Adrian Heat: kisamano kobushinado kahodonimo kikanwai!>:) (translation: your punches are about as strong as a mosquito's!)

Shadow: omae wa, mou shindeiru.>:) (translation: you're already dead.)

Adrian Heat: NANI?! (translation: WHAT?!) *his body inflates* UATA KUDIDI HIDEBU!!O_O (translation: YOU MUST BE JOKING!) *explodes violently into a bloody mess*

Master Chief John-117: whoa!! that's amazing! what exactly happened?

Chica: i simply pressed his hidden pressure points. that's what.>:)

Shadow: well, at least he's dead. for real, this time.>:I

Master Chief John-117: i'll set the explosives, then.

back at Corporate lab 2, 11 hours later

My McLaren F1 XP-5: man, thanks for assembling me guys.^_^

McLaren MP4/8: anytime, sis.^_^

McLaren F1 XP-5: had it not been for you guys and Master Chief's explosives, i wouldn't be here by now.^_^

Master Chief John-117: no need to thank me.

meanwhile, in Vivendi's sixth base in Colorado, USA

Azelfland.exe: SON OF A BITCH!! THAT IDIOT DIED AGAIN?! UGH! I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE GIVEN HIM A SECOND CHANCE!>:(

Vincent: though, it's not over yet.>:I

Anais: Azelfland is STILL going down. besides, we prevented R8 tyke from getting his Concept S, didn't we?>:I

Mike458: yes. though, i think Azelfland is SO gonna ragequit once he gets through lab 3.>:)

Vincent: he still has to deal with lab 4's AIs AND lab3's only AI TWICE! he's not gonna stand a chance.>:)

all the villains in the VVS: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!>:D

and that ends episode 5 of season 8 of "asphalt stories". hopefully i can make it through the R&D and get the Bentley EXP10 Speed 6 at some point before the One-77 EDD comes back.

until next time.

-Azelfland.