User blog:Azelfland/Asphalt stories: the 2018 McLaren X2 recruitment gone wrong

i'm back from my five-day vacation. let's get the show on the road!

during my vacation in Crete, i was able to get the X2. BUT THERE WERE SO MANY THINGS THAT WENT WRONG!! and by that, i mean that i had to spend so many tokens to skip the fourth and sixth qualifiers of Tokyo, because they were rigged! also, the boxes that gave you racing engines cost me a lot AND i had to use my tokens for refills. all this dropped me from 7.081 to 1.789 tokens (now i have 1.919 tokens). as for the other events, the wait is real. hopefully things will be better in the future.

this is episode 8 of season 8 of "Asphalt stories". also, for Shadow Azelfland's backstory, i thought i'd make an obvious reference to Sonic Heroes. here goes:

Tokyo, Japan, 10:29 PM

My Lamborghini Sesto Elemento: MAZDA 6?! what are you doing here?!O_O

My Mazda 6: i'm here, because i was sent to get some more PRO tuning, since the Bailey's EDD is coming in the future.:P

Lamborghini Sesto Elemento: oh.:I

Alice: well, we got time before the tour begins.:)

after a bunch of PRO tuning (5555 3333 for the tuning)

Mazda 6: thanks.^_^

Alice: anytime.:)

Wanda: and the tour is on now.:P

Me: right. now, vehicles, ladies and gentlemen. are we going to let a stupid racing team come in and cheat all they want?>:I

Everyone: NO!!!>:(

Me: then WHAT are we going to do?>:)

Everyone: BEAT THEM BACK TO THE GHETTO!!! (out of sync) YEAH!!!>:D

after the fifth qualifier and many attempts on the sixth qualifier

Me: okay, you know what, there's no way we can beat this at your tuning. there's only one thing to do.>:(

My 2018 McLaren X2: give up and go home?:I

Me: we'll spend tokens to skip it.>:(

2018 McLaren X2: ARE YOU CRAZY?! WE ALREADY DID THIS WITH THE FOURTH QUALIFIER!!O_O

Me: WHAT OTHER CHOICE DO WE HAVE, X2?!>:( *spends 900 tokens to skip the qualifier*

Hanna: i've never seen Azelfland this angry before. ._.

Metal Azelfland: me neither. ._.

meanwhile, in Roaring Thunder's office

Adrian Heat: yeah. the deal was eight races. it won't happen again.>:I

Vincent (on the phone): you'll fail us again. i know it.>:I

Adrian Heat: YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! just give me one more chance! i can take them!O_O

Vincent: you may have messed with his token stash, but you gave him the chance to take you out!>:( *hangs up*

Adrian Heat: *throws the phone to the ground angrily and heads to team Azelfland's pit stop* YOU!!!! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT BAD LUCK!! I TOOK YOU OUT ONCE AND I'M GONNA DO IT AGAIN! I'M CALLING YOU OUT, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW, EVERYTHING ON THE LINE!!! YOU DOWN OR WHAT?!>:(

on the Grand Finale

the announcer: this is it, folks! the final Grand Finale of the 2018 McLaren X2 championship. who's gonna win? who's gonna go home? let's find out!:D

2018 McLaren X2: looks like Adrian is completely losing it!>:I

Hanna: and he's gonna lose his mind once his driver gets beaten by a girl!>:I

on the final straight of lap 2

the announcer: and it looks like we know who's going to win! AND LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE CHAMPIONSHIP IS OVER!! WHAT A RACE!! TEAM AZELFLAND TAKES THE CHAMPIONSHIP AND THE MCLAREN X2 WITH THEM AS W- what's that? ............................ yeah, i gotcha. IT LOOKS LIKE I GOT INFORMATION FROM OUR ORGANIZERS!! ROARING THUNDER WAS ONCE AGAIN CHEATING!! AND THEY'RE OFFICIALLY DISQUALIFIED! now, that's a real shock! but anyway, see you in the next championship, folks!:D

Me: that was amazing!^_^

Hanna: thanks. now, kiss me, fool.>:3 *they both make out*

Adrian Heat: THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!O_O

Diana: that's what you get for messing with our token stash!>:(

Adrian Heat: you fools! Stan, deal with them!>:(

Everyone: ..................................................:I

Adrian Heat: what are you waiting for?>:I

Stan the Rocket: I'M TIRED OF CHEATING! AND I'M TIRED OF OBEYING YOU!! AND I'M TIRED OF WORKING FOR VIVENDI!!>:( *punches Adrian Heat and knocks him down*

Adrian Heat: ow, man. why'd you do that for?X_X

Stan the Rocket: I'M FREE!!>:(

Flora: serves you right, meanie!>:(

Stan the Rocket: thanks for letting me work undercover for you guys.^_^

Me: anytime, partner.:)

Stan the Rocket: i gotta go before he recovers. see ya later.:P *runs away*

Adrian Heat: *gets up* you people were cheating all along!>:(

MICROAGGRESSION! HIT HIM!>:D

Shadow Azelfland: *bumps his fists and uses the Electric Fly* GIMMEMYMONEYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!D:<

Adrian Heat: *cowers in fear*

Danny: now, here's a question. am i going to punch you with my right hand or my left? try to guess.>:I

Adrian Heat: p-please, just hit me with your right!O_O

Danny: no! no! no! no! no!>:I

Adrian Heat: y-your left?!O_O

Danny: no! no! no! no! no!

Adrian Heat: i-is it both?!O_O

Danny: yes! yes! yes! yes!..................................... YES!>:)

Adrian Heat: ARE YOU GOING TO DO THE "ORA ORA" THING?!O_O

Knuckles: yes! yes! yes! *facepalms gently* oh my god!T_T

Danny: *proceeds to punch Adrian Heat super fast*ORAORAORAORORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA!! *rips his head off with a right uppercut* OOOORRAAAAA!!!D:<

Tails: so, um.................. do you guys wanna go home?:I

Everyone: YEAH!:D

back at Azelfland's garage

My Apollo IE: it's good to see you again, bud. and you got the X2, all right.^_^

Me: yeah. but at what cost....................?:(

My McLaren M14A: well, look on the bright side. at least you PRO tuned me.^_^

Hanna: you know, sweetie. not everything goes your way.:I

Me: yeah. i know.:(

McLaren P1 boy: we're all here for you, bud. and we all care about you.:)

Me: you guys sure know how to make me feel better.:)

Metal Hanna: sorry to interrupt, but it looks like i made an analysis on our friends.:I

McLaren P1 boy: what is it?:I

Metal Hanna: i analyzed the boys' genes. and it looks like i got some results. Roger and Danny are twins and Wanda is their sister. and they're triplets.:I

Me: WHAT?!O_O

Persephone: surprise.^_^

Metal Azelfland: Cyril turns out to be Diana's twin brother, while his genes were from his grandfather, who was also an Arctic Fox.:I

Me: YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?!O_O

Diana: they're not kidding.:P

Metal Hanna: as for Carl and Sean, they're Flora's older brothers.:P

Me: THERE'S NO WAY I MISSED THAT!! SOMEONE SLAP ME IF IT'S TRUE!!!O_O

Hanna: *slaps Azelfland* GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF, MAN!>:(

Me: thanks. ow...... i deserved that.:I

McLaren P1 boy: well, that was truly unexpected.O_O

the next day

My Porsche 718 Boxster S: has anyone noticed that my championship is on?:I

Loraine: yeah. so?:I

My Porsche 911 GT3 RS: well, my R&D comes after it. and it was when Azelfland and Hanna first met. you know. back when she was a human.:P

the Porsche labs, one year ago

Porsche 911 GT3 RS: so, you're the guy that my brothers told me about.:I

Me: yep.:P

Porsche 911 GT3 RS: you know, it feels good to be here in AsphaltLand. i was tired of our kind being in EA's games only anyway.:P

Me: problem is, not everything is what you expect.:I

Porsche 911 GT3 RS: doesn't matter. now, show me how they drive in AsphaltLand. oh, and make sure you treat me right, 'cause i'm their sister and all.:P

Me: i will.:)

Porsche 911 GT3 RS (narrating the flashback): you know, on lab 3, that's when Azelfland met Hanna. basically, we also met TheHawtDawg1 in lab 4, which was amazing. after getting through the R&D and my mastery, Hanna confessed her feelings to Azelfland and they both became a happy couple ever since, which happened on the 6th of July last year. as for me and the Sesto Elemento, he truly knew how to treat a lady.^_^

Lamborghini Sesto Elemento: and that's how things went.:)

Loraine: wow. i would've never thought that my sister would get a boyfriend like that.^_^

My Porsche 959: also, Azelfland's old-school cars were trying to upload porn on the internet.:P

Me: WHAT?!O_O

My BMW M1: YOU SNITCH!!>:(

My Ferrari 330 P4: um.................. we can explain..... ._.

Me: I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING FROM YOU!! ALL OF YOU OLD-SCHOOL CARS ARE GROUNDED!! FOR YOUR PUNISMHENT, YOU'RE GOING TO WATCH THE EMOJI MOVIE!!>:(

My 1965 Shelby Cobra: WHAT?!O_O

My 1967 Chevy Impala: THE WORST MOVIE OF 2017?!O_O

BMW M1: DON'T DO THIS TO US, MAN!! THE MOVIE IS SO BAD!!D:

Me: I DON'T CARE!!! LIKE IT OR NOT, YOU'LL WATCH THE MOVIE ANYWAY!! THAT'LL TEACH YOU NOT TO BE PERVS!!>:(

Porsche 959: suck on that!>:D

Me: well done, 959.^_^

Shadow Azelfland: well, guys. i think it's time to tell you about how i escaped from TweakRacer.>:I

Cynthia: it's about time.:P

Kri: *comes in* he wasn't alone. i was there when i found him.>:I

TweakRacer's lab, one year ago

Kri: *lands near the vault and enters the code* this is it. i found TweakRacer's treasure.^_^ *walks towards the capsule where Shadow Azelfland was locked*

???: *wakes up and targets Shadow Azelfland, while Kri tries to get rid of the green fluid in the capsule, as the capsule opens*

Kri: *gasps*

Shadow Azelfland: *wakes up and lunges towards Kri to save her from the gunfire* stay here.>:I

Kri: Shadow Azelfland!O_O

E-341 "Omicron": *shoots at Shadow Azelfland, while Shadow Azelfland dodges the rapid gunfire* MUST ERADICATE ALL OF TWEAKRACER'S ROBOTS!

Kri: huh?:I

Shadow Azelfland: *lunges towards Omicron, while Omicron keeps shooting*

Kri: *breaks up the fight* HEY, HOLD UP!!O_O *sighs out of relief*

a few minutes later

Kri: now i get it. now i know what this is all about. *talks to Omicron* you're mad at TweakRacer, for sealing you in this room. *talks to Shadow Azelfland* and you............ you can't remember anything, can you? then it's settled! now, you two make, so we can get out of here. *makes them join their hands* aww, yeah, baby! this makes us a team!^_^

the flashback ends

Me: so......... you escaped with Kri and took your seperate ways?:I

Shadow Azelfland: pretty much.:P

Flora: what about when you attacked us?:I

Shadow Azelfland: i was only testing you. but for Shelby's case, it was basically when we both fell in love with each other.:P

Shelby: fair enough.:P

Wendy: this reminds me of when Sonic had an anime nosebleed when he saw my summer outfit.:P

a few days ago

Wendy: hey, Alice. does Sonic think i'm hot in my summer outfit?^_^

Sonic (thinking, while smiling and having an anime nosebleed): man, she's really hot!:3

Alice: i'll take that as a yes.^_^

Wendy and Alice: *laugh*

back to the present

Metal Hanna: L-O-L.^_^

Me: well let's get back to where we left off.:P

Hanna: sounds good.:)

meanwhile, in the gym

Rouge: that was really good.^_^

Nick: agreed. and i'm sorry for hurting you.:3

Rouge: oh, no need to apologize. besides, we do this every day.^_^

Nick: so, what do you want to do now?:3

Rouge: i think i know. i want you to punch me with your love.:3

Nick: sure.:3 *proceeds to punch Rouge in the breasts*

Rouge (getting breast-punched): oh, i love you so much!:3

the next day

My real life self (breaking the fourth wall): good news, guys. my vacation in Crete is finally over.^_^

Me: cool.:D

My real life self (breaking the fourth wall): that means we can all get back to our normal lives. but for now, you can rest easily. think of this as a day-off.^_^

Hanna: awesome.^_^

meanwhile, in the gym (again)

Flora: that was so enjoyable.:3

ThunderWolf: it sure was. so, what do yu want to do?:3

Flora: i want to have fun. if you know what i mean.:3

ThunderWolf: sure.:3 *proceeds to punch Flora's breasts*

Flora (getting breast-punched): MEOW!! punch me some more, my wolfy boy! i love you so much!:3

outside of the gym

Ferrari 330 P4: okay, Azelfland. we watched it. are you happy now?:(

Me: yep.^_^

BMW M1: why would you force us to watch this movie?!:'(

Me: this was your punishment for trying to upload porn on the internet. you AND R8 tyke's JDM cars AND TF2014's Venom GT tried to.>:I

My Datsun 270Z: i enjoyed it.:P

BMW M1: DATSUN!>:(

Datsun 270Z: what? it's not as bad as everyone says.:P

BMW M1: can we go now?:(

Me: you can. but no being pervs! got it?>:(

all my old-school cars: got it.:(

Me: good.>:I

Porsche 959: that will teach them.>:)

and that ends episode 8 of season 8 of "Asphalt stories". it's been a while since the last one and i can't wait for the Sbarro GT1 championship. hopefully things will be better in this one than the McLaren X2 championship.

until next time.

-Azelfland.