User blog:Azelfland/Asphalt stories: the Nissan 370Z SE and Lightning LS-218 recruitments

well, there you have it. i got the 370Z SE and the LS-218 in a short matter of time. but the LS-218 EDD was the FZ-10 EDD all over again, so there goes my no-tokens-spent streak on EDDs. oh, well. can't do anything about that but move on.

this is episode 11 of season 10 of "Asphalt stories". here goes:

My Toyota Supra: so, are we ready for the LS-218 EDD?:I

Me: yes. let's kick their asses.>:I

Barcelona, Spain

Vincent: well, if it isn't Azelfc**t, his bitches and his friends.>:)

Tails: might as well be speaking Greek, brah.>:P

Vincent: ugh. never trust anyone under thirty.-_-

Hanna: well, you guys seem to be as persistent as ever.>:I

Diana: so, what are you gonna do with eight girls taking YOU down?>:P

all the villains in the VVS: *hysterical laughing and wheezing* AAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!XD

Toyota Supra: that's sexist.-_-

Bowser: *blasts the Supra with a fireball from his mouth* (the Supra died counter: 2)

Rouge: OH MY GOD! BOWSER KILLED THE SUPRA!O_O

Cynthia: YOU BASTARD!>:(

Vincent: ANYWAY, you guys won't even make it without any credits.>:)

My McLaren 675LT: don't get confident, old man.>:)

My Pagani Huayra BC: we got more than enough credits to fully upgrade the LS-218.>:D

Me: and as you can see, we got all the bikes for this. what are you gonna do about that?>:)

Vincent: whatever i want! you can't stop me! i have an army!>:)

Me: we have a Huayra BC, a 675LT and an MP4-31.>:)

Hanna: just tell us what your plan is this time.-_-

Mike458: glad you asked. well, in seven days, this monitor will launch a laser to our satelite. it will send the people of AsphaltLand bad things about Gameloft. everyone will live in fear of them, in need of moving to another planet. in the end, they won't be able to anything. WE'LL FORCE EVERYONE TO DO OUR BIDDING AND I'LL GET LOTS OF MONEY! starting with you.>:)

My Nissan Skyline GT-R (R34): YOU SONS OF-A BITCHES!D:<

Vincent: and the LS-218 will do just fine.>:)

My Lightning LS-218: AREA RESTRICTED. ALL NOOB INTRUDERS 2 B HAXORED BY ME L33T 3NDUR0 LS-218. I AM TEH VIVENDI ALLY. I ROXOR U AND THEN ROFL! THEN U AM CRY! I RECEIVE ORDERS THRU ANTENNA ON THIS L33T E.C.U.! IT IS HOTNESS! I MUST OBEY ALL ORDERS. I LIKE 2 PWN NOOBS 4 TEH MASTER VIVENDSORZ. U=NOOBS. LS-218=L33T. PREPARE 4 TOTAL PWNAGE. WOOT WOOT WOOT WOOT!

Loraine: NOE! NOT THIS TIME! *throws a rock to the trap*

Mike458: S**T!>:(

Lightning LS-218: NOOBZ STILL R NOT PWNED! CONTINUE PWNERSHIP UNTIL ALL NOOBZ R PWNED! TEH ESCAPE IS IMPOSSIBLE! I AM 2 L33T. I OWNZ JOO! U WILL GET FLATZORED BY MY L33T TIR3Z.

Chica: seems like we're in for a heck of a fight.>:I

the next day, at test 50 of the 370Z SE R&D

R&D technician: Are you ready for the Ultimate race? Don't be nervous if you hear our Tech Team popping champagne corks a little early! Just drive!:P

Me: did something happen?:I

R&D technician: okay. here's the thing. i made a bet with the leader of the tech team. he says you can't win. please help me prove him wrong.:(

Me: sure thing.:)

at the start of test 50

Jiggy 2000: hey, Azelfland. i heard from the R&D technician. he wants you to win, right?:I

Me: yeah.:I

My Nissan 370Z SE: you'll help, right?:I

Jiggy 2000: yes. i will also help you and your friends through your quest of crushing Vincent's plans, as a hologram. since this is our rematch, i won't hold back.:)

Me: neither will i.:)

Jiggy 2000: HOWEVER, i will take the outside of the corners, just to give you a small winning edge. don't mess this up.>:I

Me: thanks, Jiggy. you're always thinking.:)

Jiggy 2000: don't mention it.^_^

at the final straight

Nissan 370Z SE: WE MADE IT!!!:D *does celebratory donuts*

Me: YEEEEEEEEEEEE-HEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! i did it, i did it! WITH THE SKILLS! AND THE TRIUMPH! AND THE TOKEN-SPENDING! I DON'T CARE IF I SPENT ANY TOKENS! MMMMMMMMMMMMM!!! SO WORTH IT!!! TAKE THAT, VIVENDI! YOU AIN'T GOT NOTHING ON ME!!>:D *does the Crash Bandicoot victory dance*

Hanna: awesome!^_^

R&D technician: turns out you made it! the 370Z SE is all yours. enjoy.^_^

Me: thanks.^_^

tech team leader: YOU GOT LUCKY! I DEMAND A REMATCH!>:(

Me (making my Crunch impression): you lost, buddy.>:I

Sonic: Azelfland beat your AI fair and square.>:I

tech team leader: HE TECHNICALLY CHEATED!>:(

Diana: he doesn't cheat, you sore loser!>:P

tech team leader: WELL, HE'S NOTHING MORE THAN A WANNABE PRO!>:(

Me: *gets steaming mad* WHAT THE F**K DID YOU JUST CALL ME, YOU SON OF A BITCH?! IF YOU THINK I'M A WANNABE PRO, YOU SHALL SUFFER YOUR CONSEQUENCES! AND YOUR CONSEQUENCE IS NONE OTHER THAN DEATH ITSELF!>:(

tech team leader: we could talk this out. ._.

Me: NO MERCY FOR YOU!>:( *beats the everliving crap out of the tech team leader*

Toyota Supra: whoa!:O

Shadow Azelfland (making his Mortal Kombat announcer impression): FINISH HIM!>:)

Toyota Supra: whoa!:O

Shadow Azelfland: what?>:I

Me: TIME TO DIE!>:( *ignites his right hand on fire and punches the tech team leader so hard he bursts into flames and melts*

Ed Boon: *appears to the bottom right* toasty!:D *disappears*

Shadow Azelfland (making his Mortal Kombat announcer impression): Azelfland wins. FATALITY!>:)

Me: whoa. i can now punch people and ignite them on fire. cool.:O

Azelfland learned Fire Punch!

R&D technician: i never liked him anyway. he was so annoying.-_-

2 days later, back at the Lightning LS-218 EDD

Vincent: hah! having rooftop raceway as one of the ace races was so smart!>:D

Me: I CAN'T F***ING TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!! *spends 240 tokens on refilling the invitations, then starts using the Pokemon emeralds*

Bowser: um, is he supposed to glow like that?:I

Mike458: i know what this means. HE'S TRANSFORMING INTO HIS SUPER FORM!O_O

Vincent: doesn't he have the ability to mega evolve?:I

Mike458: in this case, he's transforming to his super form.O_O

Me: YOU SHALL PAY FOR MAKING A FOOL OUT OF ME!>:(

Boswer: Eggman, what does the scouter say about Azelfland's power level?>:I

Dr. Eggman: IT'S OVER 9000!!!!!>:( *breaks the scouter with his own hand*

Boswer: WHAT, 9000?! THERE'S NO WAY THAT CAN BE RIGHT!O_O

after getting over 60.000 points

Me: YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS! SUCK IT! I DON'T CARE IF I SPENT ANY TOKENS! NOR DO I CARE IF MY NO-TOKENS-SPENT STREAK ON ENDURO DOUBLE DOWNS IS RUINED! MMMMMMMMMMMMMM!! SO WORTH IT! TAKE THAT, VIVENDI! YOU AIN'T GOT NOTHING ON ME!>:D *does the Crash Bandicoot victory dance*

Vincent: THIS IS BLASPHEMY! THIS IS MADNESS!>:(

My Sbarro Sparta: MADNESS?! *Sbarro Sparta processing mode for 5 seconds* THIS! IS! SBARRO SPARTA!>:( *rams the monitor and breaks it*

all the villains in the VVS: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!D:

Vincent: MY MONEY!!;_;

Dr. Eggman: YOU COULD'VE STOPPED THAT CAR FROM RAMMING THE MACHINE BY BREATHING A FIREBALL! WHY DIDN'T YOU DO JUST THAT?!>:(

Bowser: GEE, PARDON ME, "BALDY McNOSEHAIR"!IF YOU HADN'T BUILT THAT THING, NONE OF THIS WOULD'VE HAPPENED!>:(

Silver Azelfland: *zaps both of them*

Bowser: what was that about.....?X_X

Silver Azelfland: thought i could give you a literal shock.:P

Vincent: no matter. LS-218, ram these fools.>:(

Lightning LS-218: you don't tell ME what to do! they're my friends now!>:(

Vincent: WHAT?! WHY YOU LITTLE...................>:(

me: now it's payback time!>:( *zaps the villains of the VVS and sends them flying*

all the villains in the VVS: TEAM VIVENDI IS BLASTING OFF AGAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!X_X *ting*

Cynthia: serves you right, BAKKA!>:(

back at Azelfland's garage

My Lamborghini Sesto Elemento: well, welcome to your new home.:)

My Nissan 370Z: who ARE you?!O_O

Nissan 370Z SE: i'm you but stronger.:P

Lightning LS-218: aaaaand her mind is blown. well, have i told you guys that i'm an actual electric bike?:)

Tails: AN ACTUAL ELECTRIC BIKE?!O_O

Lightning LS-218: yep. i'm the only electric bike in the world.^_^

Tails: whoa-whoa-whoa. wait a second. if you're an actual electric bike, then........................................ WHAT YEAR IS IT RIGHT NOW?!O_O

Lightning LS-218: don't think about it too hard. i've been in this world for only 4 years.:)

Tails: 4 years of missed meals? aw, man..............;_;

the next day, in Manchester, England

Azelfland.exe: YOU IDIOTS!!! YOU LET LEONIDAS RAM OUR MACHINE?!>:(

Herobrine: there was nothing we could do. h-

Azelfland.exe: SILENCE! FOR THAT EPIC FAILURE, YOU'LL BE CHASED FROM THE UGANDA KNUCKLES ARMY FOR THE THIRD TIME!>:(

Vincent: ah, crap.-_-

all the villains in the VVS (except for Azelfland.exe): *screaming goat*

Uganda Knuckles 1: SPIT ON HIM!

Uganda Knuckles 2: SPIT ON THE NON-BELIEVER BOYS!

Azelfland.exe: serves you right, you bunch of nincompoops.>:(

and that ends episode 11 of season 10 of "Asphalt stories". the next one is about the participation in the XDiavel S R&D, starting tommorow.

until next time.

-Azelfland.