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Lab .001.[]

  • Test .001.: This Pagani Huayra BC is one top-of-the line car... and frankly, we're not sure you can handle it. Just TRY to prove us wrong!


  • Test .002.: ... Okay. All right. So you won ONE race. Out of NINE our lab has prepared. Nice job getting lucky, bucko -- but just WAIT until you hit the Azure Coast!


  • Test .003.: We're SURE the sun just got in your opponents' eyes in that last race... But we've got news for you, pal: French Guiana is CLOUDY this time of year!


  • Test .004.: You know what? CLEARLY it's those other racers' fault for being worse than you!!! So, CLEARLY you're gonna do a SOLO race! In RIO! AND FAIL!!!


  • Test .005.: We. CanNOT. Even HANDLE you right now. We REALLY had you pegged as an amateur, and... You know what? Go race near the Great Wall. We're DONE.


  • Test .006.: ... Seriously. We're done. Go race around Area 51 or whatever. We don't care. We're not even WATCHING you anymore. Go nuts.


  • Test .007.: OKAY, WE WERE LYING EARLIER; WE CARE A *LOT* AND WE BET YOU CAN'T EVEN WIN THIS RACE WITHOUT EASY NITRO ACCESS!!!


  • Test .008.: Ohh, just you wait. We've been tinkering in the back room, you see, and we have something VERY special in store for you... if you win just ONE more race...


  • Test .009.: HA HAAAAA!!! OUR MOMENT OF TRIUMPH IS NIGH!!! FEAST YOUR EYES ON THIS VIRTUAL PAGANI HUAYRA BC, AND COWER IN FRIGHT -- FOR IT WILL BE YOUR UNDOING!!!

Lab .002.[]

  • Test .010.: Welcome to Lab 2! We'd like to apologize on behalf of Lab 1, who are now at a company-mandated anger management retreat. Your next race is in Tokyo!


  • Test .011.: Good job! We hope our supportive tone reinforces how much Lab 1 does NOT represent the overall character of our organization. We are SUPPORTIVE.


  • Test .012.: Again: You are an excellent racer, and we value your research-based contributions to this enterprise. Might you consider an Elimination Race next?


  • Test .013.: We are aware that several of your prior races with Lab 1 took place near the Great Wall; as such, we regret any pain this experience may cause.


  • Test .014.: In recognition of your previously demonstrated racing skill, we have removed all competitors from this next race. We hope you will enjoy it.


  • Test .015.: We've been told by our supervisors that our lab is "not being exciting enough." We are ashamed at this oversight, and will correct it as you race.


  • Test .016.: Go race fast! Race the fastest in Venice, the location in which this race will occur! You are perhaps the best racer in the past five to seven years!


  • Test .017.: Good racing, racer! But we would wager that you cannot race even faster in the Azure Coast -- were we not so supportive of your career, that is!!!


  • Test .018.: Engines! Gears!! Nitrous Oxide!!! These are all things that you use to race very fast, and they are all VERY EXCITING!!!! TRANSMISSIONS!!!!!


  • Test .019.: Our supervisors have told us that our prior displays of enthusiasm were "super lame." We are inexpressibly regretful. Please continue racing.


  • Test .020.: Please excuse us; we in Lab 2 are engaged in a period of soul-searching to determine how we can better meet your needs. In the meantime... here's Venice.


  • Test .021.: An update: We in Lab 2 have concluded that we don't need to hide our best selves. We are calm and professional, and that is okay. (Also: keep racing.)


  • Test .022.: Goodbye, racer. We in Lab 2 leave you with this AI race... and the knowledge that you have enriched every one of us through the power of self-discovery.

Lab .003.[]

  • Test .023.: Hi -- Lab 3 here. Did you... uh... do something to Lab 2? We were just at a mixer with those guys, and they are GLOWING. Anyway. Race in London, we guess?


  • Test .024.: Okay: We got some good test data that last time around, so we're going to run another test at the Great Wall and see if we can corroborate it.


  • Test .025.: Nice! You've been really helpful so far -- hopefully, this Nevada run will go smoothly, too.


  • Test .026.: Right -- you've been on Sector 8 before, we hope? Actually, we'll just look up your past racing records while you run this lap. Don't worry about it!


  • Test .027.: We did have another planned test for you on our Dubai track, but... you know what, never mind. Just race like normal, and we'll track it like normal.


  • Test .028.: Okay, we're just... we're curious. We've heard some rumors, and... what exactly happened with Lab 1? You don't have to say right away -- do this race first.


  • Test .029.: Quiet one, aren't you? Look, we're not complaining -- you're giving us some very good data! But... really. What happened with Lab 1? Just... let us know.


  • Test .030.: It's just... we looked through your past R&D races, and... did Lab 1 just, like, ALL go insane, or what? Oh -- right. You've got a Tenerife race coming.


  • Test .031.: All right... we get it. You don't want to talk about Lab 1. That's your prerogative! You're a good research partner -- we won't pry. Just keep racing!


  • Test .032.: We've been making good progress with our Pagani Huayra BC AI lately -- and your test data's been very helpful with that. Keep it going!


  • Test .033.: All right -- into our next round of testing! We haven't done any Rio laps with you yet, and we could definitely use the results -- can you help us out?


  • Test .034.: OKAY. We JUST looked up your final Rio race with Lab 1 -- for research -- and SERIOUSLY. WHAT HAPPENED. ... Also, we need drifting data.


  • Test .035.: The head office TOLD us Lab 1 was at an "anger management retreat," but they went all SUPERVILLAIN-Y, didn't they?! (Uh... keep racing.)


  • Test .036.: And it's not just Lab 1! You've somehow driven MOST of the labs you've worked with into DEEP emotional turmoil... just by RACING well! Seriously. WHAT.


  • Test .037.: ... Aren't they all supposed to be researchers, like us? I mean... it's like a bunch of ACCOUNTANTS going nuts! (Also, we need an Azure Coast race...)


  • Test .038.: Look... you've been VERY helpful. You don't talk much, but your data checks out! So... we just have to think about this. ... While you race in French Guiana.


  • Test .039.: ... Not now. Still thinking. Just... go run another lap around Tenerife. We still have a job to do, here. This is our job.


  • Test .040.: Okay. We have nothing against you PERSONALLY, it's just... we'd like to bow out after you beat this AI. We don't want to... well. Good luck out there, okay?

Lab .004.[]

  • Test .041.: Good day. We're pleased to welcome you to Lab 4 -- and we assure you, there'll be no funny business here. Just good, clean races -- like this one.


  • Test .042.: No fuss, no muss, no insanity, social awkwardness OR inconvenient questions in Lab 4 -- no sir. You're here to race, and we're here to test you.


  • Test .043.: Good, solid job on that last race -- now, try one in Rio. You're a top-tier driver; you clearly deserve that sort of challenge.


  • Test .044.: You've certainly proven yourself worthy thus far -- and we in Lab 4 think you're worthy of a new course. Give San Diego a try for us, will you?


  • Test .045.: We must say, you've been consistently impressive these last few races. We can see why you've advanced so quickly -- and we trust you to do it again.


  • Test .046.: It's peaceful at the top -- less drama here, you know. But you can only STAY at the top if you keep winning. Even while you're drifting...


  • Test .047.: The Pagani Huayra BC is a marvel of Italian supercar engineering; it's only fitting that it be tested by a marvel of a racer. Don't let us down.


  • Test .048.: Keep racing -- and know we're pleasantly surprised that you made it through Labs 1 through 3 unscathed. Those facilities can be... rather eccentric.


  • Test .049.: Yes, you can take on this Dubai race with pride -- knowing that if you keep up this pace, the Pagani Huayra BC will be yours! You deserve it.


  • Test .050.: We're sure you can handle this Elimination race easily -- but it does pay to be thorough, in our business. Give this one a go.


  • Test .051.: (Will whoever that is outside stop knocking...?) Ah -- excuse us. Back to business: We need data on the Venice track, and it's data you alone can get us.


  • Test .052.: We'd like to be on-site for this AI race, but there's someone rather insistent at the door... Run it on your own, please, and send us the data later.


  • Test .053.: No... That's impossible! We're just trying to run a Rio de Janeiro race, here; we thought we sent you all to a... No. NO! STAY BACK! GYAAAAAAHHHHH!!!


  • Test .054.: [LAB 4 IS CURRENTLY EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES. PLEASE ENJOY THIS PREVIOUSLY SCHEDULED BARCELONA DRIFT RACE.]


  • Test .055.: HAAAA HA HA HAAAA!!! QUAKE IN FEAR, O PRIDEFUL ONE, FOR LAB 1 HAS RETURNED TO WREAK ITS LONG-AWAITED VENGEANCE!!! NOW, RACE! RACE, FOR OUR AMUSEMENT!!!


  • Test .056.: You THOUGHT we were at an anger management retreat... but that was a CUNNING RUSE! Now -- RACE ONCE MORE! For we have PLANS in motion, you see...


  • Test .057.: Seizing control of Lab 4 was CHILD'S PLAY for us -- and we have only JUST BEGUN to reap the GLORIOUS DIVIDENDS! RACE AGAIN, PUPPET! RACE FOR YOUR LIFE!


  • Test .058.: Yes... YES! Bask in your ill-gotten victory now -- FOR THE NEXT RACE WILL BE YOUR UNDOING! We have PERFECTED our AI, you see... and it THIRSTS FOR REVENGE!


  • Test .059.: No... NO!!! IT CAN'T BE! We were so careful... our plan was so PERFECT! We must... we must review our calculations once more... WE BID YOU RACE, SCOUNDREL!


  • Test .060.: OUR PRECIOUS AI...! IT'S LOOSE!!! O CRUEL HUBRIS, TO BE LAID LOW BY OUR OWN CREATION! Rescue us -- nay, the WORLD -- and we will never trouble you again!


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