Asphalt Wiki
Asphalt Wiki

prepare yourselves for a blog barrage, starting now.

while i'm happy that i got the Rip Rod added to my collection, i'm still salty for skipping the second goal of Iceland AND for finding out it didn't have any masteries at all. oh, well. it's a collector's item, so at least i get the bragging rights for it. and while we're at it, we've also got the Huayra BC R&D, which is easy so far. and that's where i'll have to drop a Need For Speed Payack reference, because the Huayra BC is also in Need For Speed Payback. also, i got the Alfa Romeo 4C, after getting the sixth blueprint from the Specialist Kit Box i got from season 10 of Moto Blitz.

this is episode 2 of season 5 of "car dialogues". enjoy the christmas barrage. now, here goes:

Me: *narrating the story* after improving TransportFan2014's garage and taking down even more of the Rip Rod chamionship and completing the Moto Blitz -for now-, we got to Iceland at last. but i get the feeling that somehow McLaren P1 boy wants us to lose, but we're not going to let that happen. i wonder how Shadow Azelfland is doing in the R&D, though.

test 9 of the Huayra BC R&D. Natalia Nova from Need For Speed Payback pulls up right next to Shadow Azelfland.

Natalia Nova: oh, god. it's you.-_-

Shadow Azelfland: Nova? have we met?:I

Natalia Nova: ew, no. i wouldn't be caught dead by that car accident you're driving.-_-

Shadow Azelfland: there's a nice way to say that.>:(

Natalia Nova: i don't have to be nice to nobodies who are trying to ruin my fun. UGH! but i've been expecting you. you AND your annoying crew. and it's SuperNova to you!>:(

at the start of the race

Natalia Nova: Tiffy3000, show the nobody he's trash.>:)

Shadow Azelfland: i hope her racing is better than her handle.>:)

Natalia Nova: 4.5 million followers would say otherwise.>:)

after the race

Shadow Azelfland: WHO'S TRASH AGAIN?!>:D

meanwhile, in Iceland

Me: all right, everyone. this is it. the final tour. you know what to do.:)

Jun Imai: um, Azelfland, sorry to ruin your excitement, but seems like McLaren P1 boy rigged the second  qualifier.:I

My Hot Wheels Rip Rod: yeah. there's no way we can win this with my current tuning.:(

Me: then there's only one thing to do: skip the second qualifier, even if we try.>:I

Everyone: WHAT?!O_O

TheHawtDawg1: ARE YOU NUTS?! why would you spend your tokens now?!O_O


My Alfa Romeo 4C: i may be new, but i have something to say.:I

Hanna: what is it?:I

Alfa Romeo 4C: the reason it's rigged is because McLaren P1 boy uses a rigged Rip Rod, which was a clone made by the boss of Vivendi.>:I


TheHedgehogOne: whoa. calm down.O_O

Alice: sorry. i still can't believe they were behind this.:(

Me: well, with all that done, we've got a tour to win. LET'S GO!!>:I

at the Grand Finale

the announcer: this is it, folks! the final Grand Finale of the Rip Rod championship, right here, in Iceland! who's gonna win? who's gonna go home? let's find out!:D

McLaren P1 boy: you don't even stand a chance against us!>:)

Hanna: we'll see about that, you cheating a-hole!>:(

at the end of the second lap

the announcer: and now Hanna nails the final jump. *Hanna and the Rip Rod finish in first* AND LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE CHAMPIONSHIP IS OVER!! WHAT A RACE!!! TEAM AZELFLAND IS ONCE AGAIN VICTORIOUS IN ANOTHER CHAMPIONSHIP AND THEY GET THE PRIZE OF THE EVENT: THE RIP ROD!!! that's it for this chmpionship. whether the next championship will be theBone Shaker or the Twin Mill, we don't know, but i'm really looking forward to it. see you in the next championship, folks!:D

McLaren P1 boy: F@#K!! this is NOT my day!!>:(

Me: did you really think you'd get away that easily for rigging a race? HA! i don't think so!>:)

McLaren P1 boy: don't think that you won yet! i repaired the Batfoxmaker 6000 while you were all busy with your championship.>:)

My Sbarro Sparta: oh, god. this is bad.O_O

Shadow Azelfland: *comes barging in* i got this.>:I *focuses his psychic powers*

McLaren P1 boy: well, you can't scratch it with your psychic powers, either. so long, Azelfland. *fires up the Batfoxmaker 6000* let's see your psychic powers save you now.>:)

Me: uh-oh.O_O * gets zapped, absorbs the electricity survives and falls unconscious*


Sbarro Sparta: SON OF A BITCH!! I'LL KILL YOU FOR- wait a minute. he's still alive. and he has clothes on. that's strange.:I

Me: *wakes up* ugh. what.............. happened? *checks on himself* hmmmmm. i don't look-a half bad.:)


Me: oh, yeah. i just remember something. i can alter my cell structure to transform back into my normal form, bitch.>:) *transforms back into his Azelf form*

McLaren: this is blasphemy! THIS IS MADNESS!>:(

Sbarro Sparta: MADNESS?! *Sbarro Sparta processing mode for 5 seconds* THIS! IS!! SBARRO SPARTA!!!>:( *runs over the Batfoxmaker 6000 and breaks it*

McLaren P1 boy: we could talk this out. ._.'

Cynthia: BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!!!>:( * creates shadow clones of herself and beats the crap out of McLaren P1 boy, sending him flying*


Jun Imai: well, guys. i don't know what to say. you handled it like it's nothing. as promised, the Rip Rod is all yours. it may not have its own mastery, but someday, we'll repay you in a big way.:)

Me: thanks.:)

back at the Asphalt labs

Pagani Huayra BC: oh, hey guys.:)

Me: hey, there. i heard from Shadow Azelfland. you guys took down the first lab. though, i got a bad feeling about this.:I

ThuderWolf: hey, Azelfland!>:I

Me: what is it, ThunderWolf?:I

ThunderWolf: *breaks the fourth wall* you owe me a rap battle since the end of season 4.:P

Me: well, let's do it, then. *pauses the action and breaks the fourth wall* now, before we get to it, during the rap battle, there will be a term used. that term is "you're a "Snorlaxland", which means "you're really boring". this is only for the use of the rap battle, so don't take it too seriously.:)

the rap battle takes place in the Final Destination from Super Smash Bros. Melee, with Arthur and Medic- The Rockman playing on the background

Feuerrm: *MLG airhorns*

Azelfland Versus ThunderWolf. begin.

ThunderWolf: let's-a do this, bitches! ThunderWolf is back to slay! think you can beat me? i can rap all day! time to time, you'll try to beat my rhymes, but you're so bad, it should be a crime. you think you're funny, mister Azelfland? well, if you ask me, you're a "Snorlaxland". ThunderWolf can help you from being a pathetic little nerd, but you know what they say. you can't polish a turd. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!:D

Me: oh, boy. it's time to wreck a fat American. maybe after this, i can get a big medallion. it can be a pendant of the man i really hate: lazy, annoying and overweight. you try and act so big, when I'M already famous. while you're alone, shoving buritos up your anus. now, sit back, relax and enjoy the show. let me show you how a proper rap goes.>:)

suddenly, McLaren P1 boy comes out of nowhere

McLaren P1 boy: what up, biatch? you guys are lame. time for the king of P1s to lay down some rhymes.>:)

BOSS ROUND! Azelfland and ThunderWolf Versus McLaren P1 boy. begin.

McLaren P1 boy: *evil snicker* IT'S ME! THE KING! THE EPITOME OF SWAGGER! here to wreck the nagging ass of you two braggers! now, watch me blow you away in a flash, as i showcase my army and my fat stacks of cash! BWAHAHAHA!!>:D

ThunderWolf: looks like P1 boy decided to come out of his shell. but meh! whatever! i'm gonna send you to HELL! with my rhymes, so hot, that it will melt your face, then after i take Flora home, maybe even get to third base. P1 boy, you're a joke. have you seen the way you look? you look like something a 2-year old drew in a coloring book. you think kidnapping Flora is the way you'll come to power? i think you should shower.  maybe she'll.............. stay an extra hour.:D *trollface*

McLaren P1 boy: oh boy, ThunderWolf, my fat American foe. you trying to act cool? well, that's a new low. MOVE ASIDE FATSO! cause P1 boy rules the day! i'm big, i'm strong-

ThunderWolf: don't forget he's gay!:D

McLaren P1 boy: SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU BURITO LOVING FREAK!! all you do all day is fricking streak! Flora doesn't love you, your relationship is filled with lies! as soon as she sees me, her panties fly. come on. what's wrong? have a tug on my tail. try to spin me around, as i watch you fail. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!>:D

Me: oh, geez, it's P1 boy. i'm gonna need my glasses. cause now this room has two giant asses. why are you here? you're gonna give me a fever. go back home and hump some Justin Bieber. you act like you're slick. you act like you're swanky. but the closest you'll get is the coolness of Spudanky.:P


Me: why do you even bother to act like a villain? when you only want Flora being Netflix and Chilling. now, hands in the air, if you think P1 boy is whack.:P

Everyone: *raises their hands*

Me: there you go, P1 boy. there's your feedback.:)

McLaren P1 boy: Azelfland, the star, the man of the hour! it's a shame that when you're fighting, you just sit there and cower. even NEKON is better than you. if i were you, i'd be scared. STAY AWAY FROM ME, EVEN IF YOU WERE PREPARED! i'm a 10-foot devil. are you visually impaired? don't worry, cause no one really cared. you think you're cool? well, let me give you a pitch: you're worthless, pathetic and a downright bitch, all your fans think you're weird and you bring shame to the word "glitch"!>B)

it was at this moment McLaren P1 boy knew.............. he f@#%ed up.


Me: how can Flora like you if you don't know how to dress?:I


Me: the person who made you must've been really fricking high.O_O


Me: why don't you go home and swim on your P1 ball?>:)

the announcer from Street Fighter IV: K.O.!!!!

McLaren P1 boy(falling to his doom): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I SHAVED MY LEGS FOR THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis..........................!!!!X_X

Me and ThunderWolf: *high five*

and that's the end of episode 2 of season 5 of "car dialogues" now, that's a way to start the barrage. more like this one are coming soon.

until next time.